PEACEMAKING - WEEK 3, PART 3

Can you say your Bible verse from memory? 
Cover the blue words below and give it a go.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18

How did you do?  Great job.

Our last lesson left Kent and James in quite a pickle. But know this: they will never resolve their conflict using escape or attack responses. These tactics will, in fact, make the matter worse and not better.

So, what will help to solve the conflict?

Keep in mind that nobody likes to be called out in front of people. It is embarrassing for all of us. Two of the work-it-out responses can be accomplished personally and privately. This is not just a suggestion or recommendation. Do not call out anyone in front of others. Respect their feelings.


Try these approaches for resolution found on page 1-6 of your booklet:

OVERLOOK AN OFFENSE
This is where you deal with an offense by yourself. You simply decide to forgive a wrong action and walk away from the conflict. Perhaps you think this is the same as denial, but forgiveness is the key here. The person who overlooks another's offenses will continue to have a growing, healthy relationship with him or her. "Don't sweat the small stuff!" (C. Sande, p.26)
The Bible backs up this response, just take a look.

A fool is quick-tempered,
    but a wise person stays calm when insulted.  Proverbs 12:16

Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate,
    so stop before a dispute breaks out   Proverbs 17:14

Sensible people control their temper;
    they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.   Proverbs 19:11

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.    
Colossians 3:13

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.   1 Peter 4:8

TALK-IT-OUT
A conflict is resolved by going directly to the other person to talk it out together. This can include confessing your own wrongs and confronting the other person's wrongs in a kind and respectful way. This response should be used if you cannot overlook what the other person did, and the problem is hurting your relationship. (C. Sande, p.26)
These Bible verses support this approach:

If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. Matthew 18:15

People who conceal their sins will not prosper,
    but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy. 
Proverbs 28:13

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.   Galatians 6:1-2

Many conflicts are difficult to resolve. If you don't get results then GET HELP. Look on page 1-7 of your booklet to learn about three types of help: COACHING, MEDIATION, and ARBITRATION.

Coaching - ask someone you trust like a parent, teacher, or friend to give you advice on what to do.

A gentle answer deflects anger,
    but harsh words make tempers flare.    Proverbs 15:1

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.    Ephesians 4:29

Mediation - bring in a third person, again a parent, teacher, or friend to JOIN IN the conversation with everyone concerned. This person will listen to everyone's side and then make suggestions on how to solve the problem.

But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.    Matthew 18:16

Arbitration - if the conflict still cannot be resolved, ask a person in authority to decide on a solution. This could be a parent, teacher, a school administrator, or pastor. This approach is to be used as a last resort. Keep in mind, the arbitrator's decision is final and all involved must abide by this decision.

Moses from the Bible regularly heard disputes between the Israelite peoples and he decided the outcomes.   Exodus 18:13-27

The Apostle Paul warns Christians, in 1 Corinthians 6: 1-8, to avoid going to secular courts, but advises us to settle our disputes among ourselves. He uses strong words and is clearly disturbed about how we often choose ungodly ways to get resolution.  



Roll Play: Have two student act out the three work-it-out responses to Kent and James' conflict about the damaged bike.

Sande, Corlette. The Young Peace Maker Teaching Students to Respond to Conflict God’s Way, Illustrated by Russ Flint, Wapwallopen, PA 18660, Shepherd Press, 1997.

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