Victim or Victor WEEK 7 - PART 3

Bible verse review.

We are adding more memory verses every week. How are you doing with remembering them and their Bible addresses?

Can you say Psalms 139:13-14? Here's a hint: "For you created . . ."

How about John 3:16-17?

Do you remember Romans 12:18? "If it is possible . . ."

Can you say James 4:1-2  "What causes . . ."

Galatians 6:7 says, "Do not deceive . . ."

This week's verse says, "He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy."   Proverbs 28:13.

Keep your memory verses fresh in your mind by practicing them daily.

Now, back to the Blame Game:

We have learned many problems that arise when we choose to play the Blame Game. There is another problem occurs when people play the Blame Game. Playing the Blame Game so often, they begin to feel like a victim.

What is a victim? Someone who is cheated, fooled, or injured by someone else. Look at workbook page 5-5. Read through the top half of the page to better understand what it means to act like a victim. When you're finished go on to the next paragraph.

Nikki could feel like a victim in her situation, couldn't she? It would be natural for Nikki to think that she is at the mercy of Sammie. She could feel hopeless because she is depending on Sammie to change. She may say, "I'll quit calling her names and pushing her if she quits doing it to me!" The problem here is that Nikki is actually letting Sammie control her. If Sammie doesn't change, then Nikki won't change. Nikki's trapped.

But Nikki doesn't have to feel or act like a victim.

There are a number of things (look how many below) that Nikki can do to take responsibility for herself and her choices in this situation regardless of what Sammie does.

• Nikki could confess to Sammie that she was wrong to push her and call her names. This would set a good example for Sammie.
• Nikki could ignore Sammie's attempts to bully her, and continue to talk with her friends.
• Without pushing her or striking back, Nikki could refuse to let Sammie take cuts in line.
• Nikki could walk away from Sammie, saying she doesn't want to get into trouble by fighting.
• Nikki could try to explain to Sammie how her choices affect others. She could ask Sammie to leave her alone.
• Nikki could warn Sammie that if she continues to act like a bully, Nikki will report her actions to a teacher, principal, or whoever could help them resolve this problem. 
• Nikki could ask Mr. Chung for advice about how she could handle the problem in a right way.
• If the girls were not able to resolve the conflict by themselves, Nikki could ask Mr. Chung if he would mediate. He could help both girls take responsibility for their contribution to the conflict.
• If Nikki thinks Sammie is acting like an enemy, then Nikki could choose to act in a loving way toward her (see Luke 6:27-28). She could invite Sammie to play with her and her friends. This could help Sammie to feel accepted. Sometimes a bully's actions are a way to cover up loneliness or lack of true friends.
• Nikki could ask her parents to include Sammie on a fun family outing. This could show her how a loving family treats each other. By watching Nikki and her family, Sammie could learn about showing respect to others. 

By responding to Sammie in any of these ways, Nikki will be doing all she can to stay out of the victim-trap and on top of  the slippery slope. She can depend on the Lord to help her do what is right instead of what she feels like doing. Nikki does not have to wait for Sammie to change before she makes a good choices for herself. Nikki can "take charge" of her own responses so that she is not a victim of Sammie's wrong choices.

Resisting the Blame Game

Often you may want other people to change their choices before you change yours. That means that you are putting yourself at the mercy of others. If they don't change, neither will you. You are allowing yourself to feel and act like a victim. You are allowing other people to control your choices. God wants you to control your own choices no matter what others do.

• God wants you to be a victor instead of a victim. The dictionary says that a victor is a winner or a conqueror. 
• God wants you to be a victor over your sinful responses toward others.
• God wants you to know the freedom there is in using self-control and in making wise choices that please Him.

Not only does God want you to control your choices: as you pray to Him, He will give you the power to do so. You can resist feeling and acting like a victim if you choose to do what is right and wise no matter what other people do. 

That's real freedom!

Here is the memory verse again. The first half tells us the bad news: "He who conceals his sins does not prosper."

Now listen and learn the good news: "but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy."  Proverbs 28:13 (C. Sande, pp. 81-83.)

Look at your workbook at the bottom of page 5-6 and read how wise people avoid the victim trap.

Pray out loud the closing prayer on page 5-7.

Sande, Corlette. The Young Peace Maker Teaching Students to Respond to Conflict God’s Way, Illustrated by Russ Flint, Wapwallopen, PA 18660, Shepherd Press, 1997.