Seeking and Giving Forgiveness WEEK 10 - PART 3

We often hear the adage, "forgive and forget" as the standard way to forgive. But too often forgetting a wrong done is even harder than forgiving the wrong done. Instead, we must work to complete the four promises of forgiveness that we learned in the last lesson.

GOOD THOUGHT

HURT YOU NOT

GOSSIP NEVER

FRIENDS FOREVER

Our memory verse this week also reminds us that it is a kindness to forgive. We have been shown compassion so we in turn should show compassion to others.

Be kind and compassionate to one another,

forgiving each other,

just as in Christ God forgave you.  

Ephesians 4:32

In your workbook find page 8-8.  Read the top of the page out loud about Seeking and Giving Forgiveness.

SEEKING FORGIVENESS

When you confess your sinfulness and ask forgiveness this speeds up the healing in your own heart as well as in your relationship with the person you hurt.

Without forgiveness, complete healing is impossible.

It is also necessary for you to ask for forgiveness from God, because when you sin against people, you also sin against God.

GIVING FORGIVENESS

If you are going to forgive in the same way that the Lord forgives you, you must choose to make the four promises of forgiveness to the person who hurt or offended you.

FORGIVENESS DOESN'T ALWAYS CANCEL CONSEQUENCES

Now read through the section in the workbook at the bottom of page 8-8.

Even though you are forgiven, you still need to accept the consequences of your choices. If Leroy forgives Russell for losing the fishing pole, Russell should still repair the damage he has caused. Russell could never replace the pole he lost in the lake, but he could buy Leroy a new pole that is similar to the one that he lost. If Russell accepts his responsibility for his carelessness, it will make it easier for Leroy to forgive him. (C. Sande, p. 120.)

Here are some verses about God's forgiveness and His consequences:

Lord our God, you answered [the people]; you were to Israel a forgiving God, though you punished their misdeeds.      Psalm 99:8 emphasis added

The Lord replied, “I have forgiven them, as [Moses] asked. Nevertheless, as surely as I live and as surely as the glory of the Lord fills the whole earth, not one of those who saw my glory and the signs I performed in Egypt and in the wilderness but who disobeyed me and tested me ten times— not one of them will ever see the land I promised on oath to their ancestors. No one who has treated me with contempt will ever see it. But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it.           Numbers 14:20-24 emphasis added

As we can see, God was pleased with Caleb's wholehearted obedience and he did not suffer the consequences that the other contemptuous Israelites did. 

The attitude of your heart is never hidden from God.

WHEN TO FORGIVE

The workbook page 8-9 gives advice on forgiveness.

When someone's choices are a little hurtful to you, but not really that bad, you may choose to overlook the offense and forgive him in your heart even if he doesn't confess his wrongs. Remember, forgiveness is a choice. At a time like this you may choose to think:

"Andy usually doesn't say mean things. He must be having a bad day. I'm just going to forgive him and not make a big deal out of it."

There is a right and a wrong way to express forgiveness toward others. The wrong way to communicate your forgiveness is by saying, “That’s okay.” This response says that the person’s choice to sin was okay. But the Bible never says it is okay to sin. The right way to express forgiveness is by saying, "I forgive you."

 

When you say these three words, you are making the four promises of forgiveness to the person who hurt you. (If he has never heard the promises before, be sure to tell him what they are!)

God’s forgiveness washes your sins away so that you can be close to him again. With his help, you can forgive others in the same way.

Before you forgive someone, you may need to express how you feel about what the person had done. the Apostle Paul says to speak the truth in love:  "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." Ephesians 4:15.

Gently explain how you were affected by the person's choice, express your thanks for his confession. As an example, Russell might make a confession like this:

"I admit I was envious that you got Grandpa's fishing pole. I was careless with it when I took it out in the boat by myself and lost it. I am so sorry that it's gone. I'm sure you must be mad at me. I know that another pole can't take the place of the one that belonged to Grandpa. but I would like to buy you a new pole to replace the one I lost. Leroy, will you please forgive me? Next time I will be more careful with your things."

Then Leroy could respond by saying something like this:

"Even though I feel bad that Grandpa's fishing pole is lost, I know that you didn't mean to lose it. I'm glad that you honestly admitted what happened. I want you to know that I forgive you, Russell. (Leroy could also tell Russell about the four promises of forgiveness.) 

Carrying out forgiveness is a process that can take time and prayer. Leroy may have to work at following through on the four promises of forgiveness, because he may be tempted to think bad thoughts about Russell, to remind him of what he did wrong, to gossip about what happened, or to hold him at a distance. 

You, too, may struggle with carrying out forgiveness at times. Ask the Lord to help you resist the temptation to be unforgiving and help you forgive others in the same way that Jesus has forgiven you. (C. Sande, p. 122)

Most people have a difficult time admitting they have done something wrong. They may refuse to confess that they have sinned against you. When this happens, you should still make the first promise of forgiveness, which is to think good thoughts about, and do good to, the person. The other three promises of forgiveness may need to be postponed until the person genuinely confesses and repents of his sin. For instance, if someone's sin against you is serious, you may need to talk to the person about it more than once. If the person still refuses to accept responsibility for his or her sin, you should talk to a parent, relative, teacher, counselor, pastor, or friend who could help you respond to the problem in a way that glorifies God.

When you need to forgive someone, keep in mind that since the Lord is merciful and forgiving toward you, you need to be that way toward others. God does not say . . . "I forgive you, but I don't want to have anything to do with you again." Instead, God's forgiveness washes your sins away so that you can be close to Him again. With His help, you can strive to forgive others in the same way. (C. Sande, p. 121.)

WHY FORGIVE?

Forgiveness is not easy. When other people hurt us, our natural tendency is to feel bitter and not want to be around them any more. Jesus knew that we would sometimes struggle with these feelings So he told a story to help us choose to forgive others even when we don't feel like it. 

Here is a video to help you understand forgiveness better. It's from Matthew 18:21-35.

Through this parable Jesus is telling us two important things. 

First He is reminding us how much He has forgiven us. The debt created by our sins was so great that Jesus Himself had to come and die on the cross to pay for it. Jesus wants us to remember that another person's sins against us are very small compared to our sins against God (like comparing a hundred dollars to millions of dollars). When we think of God's wonderful promise of forgiveness and all that Jesus did to earn it for us, we should be willing to forgive others for the things they do wrong.

Second, Jesus teaches in this parable that if we choose not to forgive others when they have confessed their wrongs, we will experience painful consequences. When we refuse to forgive, we are sinning against God, and he promises to discipline us.

And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,

    and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,

because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,

    and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”    Hebrews 12:5-6

As bitterness grows in our hearts, we will feel miserable and far from God. If we continue to be unforgiving, we may lose precious friendships. And we may find that other people are slow to forgive our sins. When we think about these things, we can see that it is very foolish not to forgive others.

When we are wise and choose to forgive others, we can experience many wonderful consequences. We can know that we are glorifying God by obeying Him and imitating His forgiveness. We can find joy in serving others: our forgiveness helps to take away the burden of their guilt and gives them another chance to make good choices in the future. And we can become more like Jesus as we learn to forgive others the same way He has forgiven us. (C. Sande. p. 123.)

To close this lesson, read the prayer aloud found on page 8-9 in your workbook.

Sande, Corlette. The Young Peace Maker Teaching Students to Respond to Conflict God’s Way, Illustrated by Russ Flint, Wapwallopen, PA 18660, Shepherd Press, 1997.