Think Before You Speak WEEK 12 - PART 1

A famous rabbit once said:

"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

Our lesson today is about communication. The way we say something is as important as the actual words we use to say it.

Now Thumper had been warned by his mother about the dangers of gossip, but we should take care in all our communication to avoid being mean and vengeful. That even means our unspoken body language too, which we will cover in the next lesson.

Here are some helpful Bible verses on the subject of communication. This week's Bible verse is in purple.

Sin is not ended by multiplying words,

    but the prudent hold their tongues.    Proverbs 10:19

The words of the reckless pierce like swords,

    but the tongue of the wise brings healing.     Proverbs 12:18

A gentle answer turns away wrath,

    but a harsh word stirs up anger.     Proverbs 15:1

 He who guards his mouth and his tongue

    keeps himself from calamity.     Proverbs 21:23

But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.     Matthew 15:18-19

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.     Ephesians 4:29

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.     James 1:19

Keep these verses in mind this week and also as you listen to our latest episode with Carlos and his dad. You can follow along in your Workbook on page 10-2. Select the LISTEN IN BROWSER option.

WeckTech · Carlos&Dad

Now answer these questions in your group:

• Did Carlos' way of communicating his thoughts and feelings to his father prevent or stir up conflict?
• Did he solve the problem or make it worse? (The way Carlos chose to communicate made the problem worse.)

Unfortunately, Carlos communicated his thoughts and feelings to his father in a way that got him into trouble. Instead of being heard and understood, he was sent to his room.

Has something like this ever happened to you? If it has, then you, like Carlos, need to learn a better way to communicate so that others will be more likely to listen to you and understand you. You need to learn to think before you speak. (C. Sande, p. 141.)

We use many different ways of communicating with those around us. Sometimes we talk and use words to communicate. Sometimes we use hand gestures or facial expressions. Sometimes we act out using our body, arms and legs. Whenever we communicate and however we communicate we are sending and receiving messages to and from those around us. 

It would be very hard not to communicate at all. Even when we don't speak, we are often sending unspoken messages.

One of the main purposes of communication is to help others understand you better and you to understand them. The more clearly and respectfully you communicate, the more likely it will be that others will understand and respond appropriately to your thoughts, feelings, needs and desires. Good communication does not guarantee that you will get your own way, but it can increase understanding and prevent unnecessary conflict.

Another purpose of communication is to build each other up. God wants the words you speak to be helpful, encouraging, and good for the listener to hear. He is never pleased when you make fun of someone, talk back, or use words that intentionally hurt another person. The Apostle Paul says: 

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that they may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

People will usually respond favorably to you when your communication is helpful. Sometimes you will communicate to:

• Encourage or praise others.
• Express your thoughts and feelings.
• Help someone recognize his or her sin.
• Ask questions so you can understand another person's viewpoint.
• Share something that the Lord has been teaching you through His Word.

This kind of communication is helpful and constructive.

On the other hand, communication that tears others down will usually cause conflict. For instance, your communication may:

• Ridicule someone.
• Express anger at someone when you don't get your own way.
• Spread rumors about another person.
• Carelessly hurt a person's feelings.

This kind of communication is hurtful and destructive.

Once you decide why you need to communicate with someone, then it will be necessary to think about what you want to communicate and how to do so in the best way possible. In other words, you need to think before you speak. (C. Sande, p. 143.)

First, you will need to know what verbal communication means. Can you find the answer on Workbook page 10-3? When you do, complete this sentence: 

Verbal communication means sending _____________ using words, ___________, or ____________ of voice.

Now let's focus on the 

WHY, WHAT, and HOW

of effective verbal communication. This is communication that pleases Jesus.

Compare the pictures on Workbook pages 10-3 and 10-4. Make a T-chart in your notebook on the next clean page. Jot down some differences you notice between respectful and disrespectful communication. A T-chart looks like this:

Now do the same thing with non-verbal communication on Workbook pages 10-5. Non-verbal communication means that you send messages using ____________, gestures, or __________ _________________. Another term for non-verbal communication is body language.

We will discuss these in our next lesson.

Sande, Corlette. The Young Peace Maker Teaching Students to Respond to Conflict God’s Way, Illustrated by Russ Flint, Wapwallopen, PA 18660, Shepherd Press, 1997.