Think Before You Speak WEEK 12 - PART 4

How many of our Bible verses can you remember? We have had a dozen verses presented in this study. Can you say all of them and their Bible addresses? (Be especially careful with the verses from Proverbs.) Give it a go.

Psalm 139:13-14            Proverbs 28:13

John 3:16-17                  1 Corinthians 10:31

Romans 12:18                I John 1:9

James 4:1-2                    Ephesians 4:32

Galatians 6:7                  Proverbs 14:22

Proverbs 14:8                Proverbs 21:23


NEEDS, DESIRES, OR DEMANDS? 

Let's talk about needs and desires for a moment. There are many needs that are legitimate needs, but when they are communicated in a sinful way, they become demands and can lead to conflict. 

For instance, you may really need a new pair of shoes, But if you throw a temper tantrum because your mother can't get them for you today, you have turned a need into a selfish desire. You need to confess that you gave in to your sinful heart instead of waiting patiently for things you need or want. Remember, "He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy." (Proverbs 28:13)

You can have a need or desire for something without making it a demand. You can communicate your desire in a respectful way, and then respond just as respectfully if you don't get what you want. 

For example, you may have a desire to have a friend spend the night at your house, but your parents may say no because they want to have a quiet evening at home with just the family. You can respectfully accept what they say without arguing or pouting, even though you really want your friend to sleep over.

It is important to remember that not all desires are wrong or bad. It is when you turn your desires into demands that problems arise. If your parents say that you cannot have a friend over and you respond with a temper tantrum, then you have turned your desire into a demand. That is a sinful response to a legitimate, non-sinful desire.

Role Play Activity: A new friend has asked you to go to the mall on Saturday afternoon to "hang out." When you ask for permission to go, your parents say, "No , you may not go." Act out both a wrong way and a right way for you to respond to this situation.

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

We have discovered that we communicate both verbally and nonverbally, We have discussed the importance of using "I messages" to effectively communicate thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, and confrontations. It is also important to know that we will choose to send verbal and nonverbal messages in two other ways: disrespectfully, which is sinful and often causes conflict, or respectfully, which is good and glorifies the Lord. 

RESPECTFUL OR DISRESPECTFUL TALK

Disrespectful communication sends messages that you are demanding your own way and will accept nothing less. It is likely that you will have unpleasant consequences for choosing to communicate in this selfish and sinful way. In addition, it's possible that people won't listen to you or even consider what you are saying when you communicated in this manner.

  • What are some examples of disrespectful communication? (To grumble, complain, criticize, ridicule, curse, gossip, talk back, nag, whine, tantrums.)

The opposite is also true. If you think before you speak and choose to communicate respectfully, you will send messages with your words and your tone of voice that most people will listen to. You will communicate to build up (being helpful), not to tear down (being hurtful). When you communicate respectfully, people will probably consider what you have to say. They may not always agree with you, and they may not let you have what you want, but they will be more likely to listen to your respectful communication without getting angry. 

  • What are some examples of respectful and responsible communication? ("I messages" that communicate confession, confrontation, thanks, and appreciation, thoughts, feelings needs, desires.)

Respectful communication is obedient to God. It is His desire that children respect persons in authority, especially their parents. God clearly communicated this desire in the commandment given to Moses at Mount Sinai: "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you" (Exodus 20:12). The Lord echoes this desire in the New Testament through the Apostle Paul: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother'--which is the first commandment with a promise--'that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth'" (Ephesians 6:1-3). Even though there are many reasons why you should communicate respectfully, the most important reason is because God tells us to. 

The Bible says, "He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity: (Proverbs 21:23). This verse teaches that you need to think about what you say and how you say it so you don't make a problem worse. Ask God to give you a righteous heart and a respectful mouth. Always remember to speak to others as you want them to speak to you. Doing so pleases the Lord and builds stronger relationships. (C. Sande, p. 151.)


1. Workbook 10-8 there is a closing prayer for this lesson. Pray it with your class.

2. Workbook 10-9 Brain Benders is a fun activity. See how well you can complete the instructions. You may have to try several times before you experience any success.

3. Watch a television show or DVD and write down examples of disrespectful communication that you hear. With a parent, discuss how you could change the disrespectful examples to respectful communication.

4. Choose a partner. Using nonverbal communication (sending messages without words or sounds), you will need to give your partner directions to:

  • Put a puzzle together
  • Know where to get a drink of water
  • Find a certain book on the bookshelf
  • Draw a picture of a bicycle
  • Get an apple and peel it

5. Play a game of Charades. Think of something that you want to communicated and then, without using words, act it out in front of the group or class. They will have one minute to guess what you are trying to communicate. (Teachers, it would be helpful if you prepared a list of people, places, or things that your students could act out during this game. Write the ideas on individual 3x5 cards. Have each student choose a card and act out a charade to try to get the other students to guess what was written on the card.)



Sande, Corlette. The Young Peace Maker Teaching Students to Respond to Conflict God’s Way, Illustrated by Russ Flint, Wapwallopen, PA 18660, Shepherd Press, 1997.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Consequences Belong to You WEEK 5 - PART 3

Image
Learning the Word of God and putting it in your heart is always time well spent. So continue to be diligent in practicing and reciting our Bible verses. Cover the brown words below with your hand and try to say Galatians 6:7. Do not deceive yourselves; no one makes a fool of God. A man will reap exactly what he plants. Galatians 6:7 Concerning consequences: You may have heard some of these sayings: "What goes around comes around." "You get what you deserve."   "You reap what you sow." It is important to understand that the person who makes a choice deserves the consequence. For instance, if you make a choice, it is not your parent's fault if you receive a consequence. Remember that consequences are directly related to your own choices. Look in the glossary of your spiral and find the definition for AUTHORITY. Authority is the power or right to give orders,   make decisions, and enforce obedience ...
Read more

Making a Respectful Appeal WEEK 14 - Part 1

Image
We have reached the last chapter of our peace making study! I am proud of the way you have stuck with the program and worked toward completion. Great job!! We will celebrate more fully as we can gather together. In our last chapter we learned how to use the communication pie tool to send and receive messages with people in our family.  1. As a review exercise, write a paragraph that tells about what happened this past week each time you communicated respectfully. Write down what you said, how you said it, and how you listened, and how members of your family responded. 2. Play Simon Says with your family members. During the game the students should obey "Simon" only if he uses respectful communication when giving directions. Directions communicated disrespectfully are not to be obeyed. 3. Name the four pieces of the communication pie. (Words, tone of voice, body language, and listening skills.) 4. In preparation for this chapter, write down this definition for the word appea...
Read more

Epilogue

Image
Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is  found in those who take advice.  Proverbs 13:10   WHEN AND HOW TO GO AND GET HELP As we learned in studying the slippery slope, there are three basic ways that you can respond to conflict. You can escape, you can attack, or you can work out your differences in a way that will glorify God. We learned many things that can help you resolve conflicts in a way that pleases the Lord. We have discussed: How you can stay on top of the slippery slope rather than slip into the escape or attack zones. (See blog entries for WEEK 3.) What conflict is and where it comes from. (See blog entries for WEEK 4.) The fact that your choices may cause or prevent most of your conflicts, and that you will receive either good or bad consequences depending on the choices you make. (See blog entries for WEEK 5.) How your conflicts give you an opportunity to glorify God by the way you treat other people. (See blog entries for WEEK 8.) The importance of makin...
Read more