The Communication Pie WEEK 13 - PART 2

Bible verse practice:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 

Ephesians 4:29

Say your Bible verse to a classmate, and then listen to them say it to you. Always include the Bible address where the verse is found. Now try to do it without looking at the words.

BACK TO THE COMMUNICATION PIE


Previously, we covered the verbal pieces of the communication pie, and we identified the attitude that is essential to speaking respectfully. Can you remember that all-important attitude of the heart?

If you said "humility" you are correct. It is extremely hard to keep from disrespectful communication unless you have a humble heart. A humble heart puts others' needs ahead of our own needs. Also, if your heart is humble it is much less likely that disrespectful words or tone of voice will sneak into your conversations.

If you use respectful words but a disrespectful tone of voice, your communication will not be respectful or effective. Listen to the following examples:

See how your tone of voice can affect your communication?

Look in your notebook from our last lesson. You copied important verses that mention how the tone of voice you use when you communicate is very important to your listener. In Proverbs 15:1 and 16:24 the Lord is telling us that we can stir up or calm down a quarrel with the tone of our voice.

There are many ways that your tone of voice can stir up conflicts. You would be wise to avoid sending messages by whining, yelling, snarling, mumbling, pouting, snapping, or talking back by challenging, arguing, being rude, or speaking sharply. 

What was wrong with Carlos' tone of voice in the story when he spoke to his father? (He was rude; he pouted and lost his temper.)

AVOID USING DOUBLE MESSAGES

When you communicate to others, you need to make sure that your words and your voice are respectfully sending the same message. Let me explain. Sometimes your communication sends a double message, which means that you are sending one message with your words and another message with your tone of voice. 

Double messages are confusing to your listener. When Carlos was asked if something was bothering him, he pouted and said, "No!" Carlos sent a double message because something was bothering him and his tone of voice said so. This is an easy and bad habit to get into. Instead of being understood as he wanted to be, Carlos' way of communicating added to the confusion and tension between him and his father. Carlos' double message actually made the situation worse. Sound familiar?

Your double messages will also cause confusion and tension, and you may find people unwilling to pay proper attention to you. On the other hand, when you use respectful words with a respectful tone of voice, you may be pleasantly surprised at how often people will listen to you and try to understand your point of view. You can begin to get a reputation for blessing others with your respectful words, which is an honor to the Lord and to you. (C. Sande p. 160)

1. Color Workbook page 11-3. As you color think about your favorite pie made with fresh and wholesome ingredients. That's what makes it flavorful and good. But if rotten ingredients were used in your pie instead, you would not be at all interested in tasting it! When you're done coloring, glue or tape your picture into your notebook.

2. Read through Workbook 11-4 together, taking turns one sentence at a time. Then answer these questions aloud. 

  • Is the Lord pleased when you argue, complain, or stir up strife? 
  • What type of communication does please the Lord? 
  • What attitude of the heart is necessary to communicate respectfully? 
  • If you struggle with a humble heart, can you pray about it and ask the Lord for help?

3. In your notebook on the next clean page, write a prayer that asks God for a humble heart, and for respectful words and tone of voice. Be sure to put your name and date on the top of the page.

4. Let's pretend you need to go and talk to someone about a conflict you have with them. Use Worksheet5.jpg to prepare what you should say. Complete the "I messages." Be thorough, but you may not need to use all of the space provided.


Sande, Corlette. The Young Peace Maker Teaching Students to Respond to Conflict God’s Way, Illustrated by Russ Flint, Wapwallopen, PA 18660, Shepherd Press, 1997.

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